Listening to what's not being said.
Seek first to understand, then to be understood - Stephen Covey
Level 1 - Listening to speak
Level 1 listening is where the primary focus of the listener is on their own thoughts, opinions, judgments and feelings. People relate the words they hear to their experiences or needs. This type of listening is entirely appropriate when we are facing a decision or when we must collect information. Ie a waiter is recounting the daily specials to you. We often hear Level 1 Listening in our conversations with our friends. The story they are telling reminds you of a story you want to tell them, which reminds them of a story they want to tell you, and so on. It can be visualized as a spotlight flitting back and forth between the two people in conversation.
Level 2 - Listening to Understand
Level 2 listening takes communication to a higher level. The attention of the listener is entirely on the speaker and on the conversation. The listener asks reflects back what they heard, asks clarifying questions and makes sure they understand the speaker. The listener can filter out their internal chatter and any distraction from the environment and starts to pay attention to the speakers tone and emotion. It can be visualized as a spotlight trained on the speaker.
Level 3 - Listening to what’s not being said
Level 3 listening brings even more awareness to the tan entirely new state of awareness to the conversation. It involves doing everything at Level 2, plus paying attention to what’s not being said, what is the context of the conversation, what’s happening in the environment, what does your intuition say? This means tuning in not only to the conversation but to the environment.
The use of intuition can be misunderstood because it is not based on hard facts. The concept of intuition is, in fact, simple and can be an excellent communication asset. If you get a hunch, for example, while listening to your conversational partner, consider bringing it up but do not be attached to it. Without insisting on being right, observe the effect it has on the speaker and be aware of where the conversation goes next. For instance, you may say: “I understand that you are happy with the results, but I have a feeling that you have something else on your mind.” The response may be, “No, not really,” or “Yes, actually, I wanted to tell you about this issue that came up with our project.” It is irrelevant if you are right or wrong; what is important is the effect on the conversation.
The art of listening takes time to develop, but it can be practiced daily. It is especially useful when negotiating or having difficult conversations. . It builds trust and understanding. It is important to note that understanding is not the same as agreement; you may not share the same opinion of the other person, but you come to understand the way they think. One of the benefits of being a good listener is the extra information and time gained to create a helpful and effective response that will further the conversation.
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Based on the work of Karen Kimsey-House
